Marriage

“What does love mean to you?” My response

Posted on Updated on

It’s Christmas day!! (Well, depending on what part of the world you are now).

image

Sometime ago, a friend asked a question “What does love mean to you?”. I thought it will be nice to share my reply here, since it’s a season of love (although all seasons are of love anyway). Here’s my reply:

What love means to me………..hmmmm. If everyone is expected to write on this theme, I believe plain sheet of paper will become rarer than paper currency in the whole world. Different people have different conceptions about love shaped mostly by experience, some by hearsay, and others by intuition. Some say “love is a serious mental disease”, others say “love is wicked”, another group say, “God is love”, some also say “I don’t believe in love”. But truth be told, love is the force of life. Life is made up of a series of relationships from beginning to end – some will last a lifetime, others won’t- and love is the bedrock of relationships.

Enough of the talk talk that’s like “OP”. Love, to me is a decision, not a feeling. I’m not saying feelings are not in love oh, I’m only saying that they are the FRUITS, not the ROOT of love. Most couples at the cliff of divorce when asked seperately, whether they love each other, they, majority of the times, as stated by counsellors, will answer in the positive. Though, what they feel at that time is like the opposite. A child still loves the mother that shouted at or beat her, though she feels very sad (If you’re within the African continent you’ll understand this). What I’m saying is this, if love were to be a feeling, we’ll not only have broken homes, but a broken planet, and I mean that literarily!! The world will be full of people with “deca-polar” personality disorder.

image

At different points what you feel for the things or people you love may be a galaxy apart from the love you have decided to have for them. Love is a decision, and this is especially so for people dating and by extension the married. If he took your breath away the first day you saw him, your lungs just needed to be filled, it wasn’t love. If you had goose pimples the first time you met her, bros that day was cold, it was winter (or harmattan in Nigeria) and you weren’t in thick clothes. It was not love. If she gave you butterflies in your tummy, on your first discourse, it was not love, you probably hadn’t eaten for hours.
Those feelings do not define what love is. They don’t.

Love is a decision to share, care and add value to a person or thing. Feelings come as a fruit of that decision. Please, I feel love too oh. I still miss the special people in my life, I still feel like teleporting to where they are right now, I still smile when I imagine their faces and the times we share.

Merry Christmas once again. Special Shout Out to LEAP Africa’s S2W 11.15. Love and miss you guys.

image

So, what does love mean to you? I LOVEEEEEEE to hear see your comments.

@IkeNwosuIsaac

An Open Letter To The Married

Posted on Updated on

image

Dear Married (especially newlyweds),

I write today to let you know certain observations I’ve made, and share a truth I have discovered, though I’m not yet one of you. I hope you get something from it.

There is no other family as important to both of you as the family you are building- your husband (wife) and probably your children. All other families are second to “this” family.

These days what I see among some of you marvels me. Some women (and men) now see their husbands as Automated Teller Machines from which they withdraw ALL they can and pump into the family where they were born, some men (and women) see their wives as pleasure/baby making machines from which they add to the number of people in their home family or villages. If you are in this category, you have already missed a core aspect of marriage- companionship!!

Your main focus should be on each other, and the family you are building. You should be aware of, and discuss about each other goals, interests, ambitions, and life purpose. You should help each other out in ALL ways. Always be there for each other, discuss stuff, go out, talk about your kids- how many you both want, and how you want to raise them, keep strife away, seek help when need be, be truthful to each other, love, trust, be reliable, be confident in, and cater for each other. To sum it all up, just be real intimate FRIENDS!!!

If “So shall a man (woman) leave his father and mother and cleave unto his (her) wife (husband) and they shall become one flesh” means nothing to you, then there will be a problem. It is not a must that you get married, but since you are, you must be committed to making it work. Work together with each other to build your family.

Your wife (or husband) is not a property that you bought, and can sell, dispose, or buy another one anytime you like. Your husband (or wife) is not a teller that you go to to withdraw money, and when there isno more money, you desert him (or her).

You are now ONE FLESH, act it!!! Remember, “a house divided against itself shall not prosper”.

Your Faithful Unmarried Brother,
Ikechukwu Nwosu (@IkeNwosuIsaac)

WHAT LOVE IS NOT

Posted on Updated on

Love is one of the most popularized and widely defined words in the world. With everyone giving their personal definitions based on their experiences, values, culture, or knowledge. This article is here to let us know what love is not. Some of the definitions given to love by people are either fake, or a shadow of the real meaning of love. What love is not:

1. Love is not a feeling

The question “What is love?” was once thrown to someone I know sometime ago, and the answer he gave was “Love is a deep feeling of affection towards someone or something”. Many people will agree with this definition, but this is not what love is. Feelings are the FRUITS not the ROOTS of love. You do not start loving because of a thing you feel, you start loving by a decision to care, share, and give. Feelings develop from love, not the other way round. Some other times feelings may develop from our own selfishness, that is, we begin to feel the need for the person or thing just because of what we want to get from the person or thing. If love is based on feelings, what happens when the feelings are gone? Hatred? You will agree with me that sometimes, what we feel for some friends and family when they offend or annoy us is what we will call hatred. But even in that feeling, we never stopped loving them. This shows that feelings are not reliable pointers to love. Epilepsy is what sweeps you off your feet, not love. Asthma is what takes your breath away, not love. Anxiety is what gives you goose bumps, not love. Stomach ulceration or stomach upset is what causes butterflies in your tummy, not love!!

2. Love is not sex

We have tied sex to love so many times that we all agree that having sex is “making love”. If sex means making love, why then are hookers, and commercial sex workers not the most loving and lovely people on earth? Sex displays committment and one-ness with the other person, and this level of unity can only be ascertained in marriage (In another article we will see more about this).

3. Love is not a good or service

People think they can buy or sell love. No way!!! It is practically impossible to do that. No amount of money (or what it can buy) can buy or pay for love. It can only pay for pretence, because when the money is gone, the true self is revealed, and love will not be found. Love cannot be sold, you only sell your dignity and ego, and sooner or later, you loose your personality, and become a slave to the master that bought you. Be careful.

We will look at “What love is”, next time. Love you.