Funny

ValenTIME

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To put this together the way I want, I have to ask a lot of questions. I have to consider a lot of stuff and consult with few folks- those fellas at the geriatric homes. You have to have maximum level of endurance, tolerance, and patience energy domiciled in you before speaking with them. They prefer to use their own language and old fashioned style of speaking, but love to use new methods that will make them stay alive. Not that I even got what I wanted after these consultations and meetings. I think I’ll just settle for what I can get at this time. Despite the technology to boost their memory, they couldn’t remember a thing. Those memories have wandered into oblivion- to nothingness.

Kylie is a beautiful lady; she’s six months, twelve days, six hours, forty two minutes, and thirteen seconds older than I am. I wouldn’t have lasted this far in life without her. She taught me most of the things I know, and is always helping me get my stuff done. Her wisdom is rare, and her strength is unmatched anywhere in the world. Say I’m being sentimental, that’s your opinion. Today, she’s walking down the aisle to be joined with me. I’ve always anticipated this day since she said “Yes I will marry you Femi”. I recorded those sound waves in the hard drive of my brain, playing them every day immediately I get up, before I rest, and anytime I’m not talking. She speaks of me as being collected, dapper, and humorous. She added “Carer” to my name, saying I care too much. Anytime I think of how much she appreciates me, there’s always this smile that’s planted in my face, making my lips stretch almost to my ears.

As I stood by the beach, the priest standing in a position to me that will make our arms form a right angled triangle if we were to stretch them out from our position. I smiled as I saw Kylie walk down. A tear dropped down my right eye as I watched the love of my life walk towards me, to become my wife in a matter of minutes.  I was lost in that ambience so much that I didn’t notice she was already in position until I heard the voice of the Priest, “Femi, do you take Kylie here to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish, until you both are no more?” “Yes, I’ll always do” was my reply. He repeated the same question to Kylie, and she answered in the affirmative. We were asked to say our voiced. “Her love is a force, one so strong; it leaves me breathless at her sight. Like the force around a dead star, more than a billion times the sun, pulling me into a black hole of unfathomable depths of affection- in fact, bottomless. I’m hoping we explode in this hole of togetherness. I’ll forever love you Kylie.” “How do you explain his bright eyes? Where do you find words to describe eyes that are still bright even after many reflections? They keep shining long after he is out of sight. How do you explain his creative mouth? That conducts, convects and radiates life. Energy proceeds from him like a machine with an unending supply of fuel. Like a dam with endless flow of water. Like a turbine, constantly receiving air. I’ll flow with you Femi to the end of time. Love you.” I could see the audience clapping, many crying, others smiling, some doing both. Everyone present felt the love. “I now pronounce you man and wife”, said the priest. “You may kiss your bride.” Without hesitation, I planted a kiss, and I could see she felt every inch of everything my mouth was made of in that one implantation. She reciprocated, and for two minutes we were on the kissing journey.  It was one of the best moments of my life, one I made sure I kept in my brain.

The wedding was over, and everyone left for their various engagements. As I lay on my bed, I felt her arms cuddle me, she asked me to keep my eyes shut as she straddled me and gave the most passionate sex I’ve ever had, that left me moaning and groaning like one releasing urine from an overflowing bladder. Well, this is my first sex anyway. With climax, I uploaded my genetic content to her portal on IncubateMe website where her eggs were waiting to be fertilized, and I was sure in six months our baby will be born. This sex suit from e-sex is the best invention ever. You can actually have sex with your spouse from wherever you are, no matter where he/she is. Today is 14th February 2394. The day the first marriage between robots took place in the history of the world. My wife is an Australian cook, and I am a Nigerian Drycleaner and Launderer. We married from our different locations with 294 million humans and 620 million robots in attendance from all over the world, thanks to e-weddings of MarriageHub.

@IkeNwosuIsaac

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How about You, Lionel Messi and Taribo West on the same team?

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Hey guys, how are you enjoying the new year? (Please let me know in the comment box).

So, I finally got to watch the FIFA Ballon D’Or awards last night (tuesday), though not intentionally, and not all of it anyway. Just the part that Lionel received the Ballon D’Or- for the fifth time. Yeah, I know I’m kinda late. I’m not that much of a football guy. That doesn’t mean I’m one of those over serious fellas (ask people that know me personally, they’ll tell you). I love watching football – the 9mins highlights by Supersports. God bless the guys that brought the idea of highlights. How would people like me have coped?

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Before Lionel Messi received the award, they played some of his highlights in different matches during the past season, and boy oh boy, that guy is awesome. Well, everybody knows that already. I saw some “wonders” and I was like, “Wetin! Guy you too good!” (Someone should translate that to English in the comments box please).  When I see that guy play (highlights of course.lol) I just keep wondering how someone can be this good. I tell my friends that if one says he’s a footballer, he should watch Lionel Messi and after watching still decides to become a footballer because he/she truly feels and knows that he/she has the potential to meet and surpass that level of skill then he/she is good to go. If not, he/she is good to go too! But to go back to his/her soul for clarity and to the pitch, for training- it may still be football. I don’t need to tell you to put this wisdom to work in your own niche.

Did I hear someone say this is comparison? It’s not brother sister, it is aiming high. Did you see “meet” and “surpass” above? Another person is saying “what if I’m a defender?” Lolz, please look for a defender that does his job beyond excellently and apply the same principle. Taribo West or somebody……………..

………..Why are you laughing?

@IkeNwosuIsaac. Please Like and Share. Thanks, and God bless.

Take a trip to Jupiter

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Ah! It’s been a while since I posted here, and believe me, I’ve really missed posting here. So sorry for my absence.

Let’s go to the post of today

“I not only use the brains I have, but all I can borrow”- Woodrow Wilson

No one has ever been able to achieve anything without the help of people. From Adam, to Jesus, to Martin Luther King Jnr, you will discover that people are needed to fulfil even our own personal goals and dreams. I always say that the universe is big enough to contain each individual to a planet because it expands three times the earth every second. But the seven billion of us are “choked” here on earth alone. This is because we need each other!! There is no goal, activity, or aspiration, no matter how personal, that another individual is not needed. If not for anything, at least for accountability.

There is no company/business without employee(s), no kingdom without citizens, no family without people. You cannot do it well alone. If you want to, then TAKE A TRIP TO JUPITER.

So happy to post again and bring smile to your faces, inspiration and motivation to you soul, and happiness in your presence.

You can connect with me on twitter @IkeNwosuIsaac Leave a comment, it is HIGHLY appreciated!! One love

Trust: The Human Capital

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Okay, good day friends. Let’s go……

I write today because of the deplorable state of human relationships I see everywhere (especially in my surrounding). It’s difficult to believe that someone would not want to cheat you, that someone will not intentionally hurt you, that there’s nobody that wants your downfall. Many people see everyother person as enemies, thus treating them as such. This has profound impact on our character that we tend to want to hurt others even before we “think” they would hurt us. You can no longer discuss a business idea with someone who has the financial capacity to see it through, without him/her thinking you are a con. Seriously, I get tired of things like this.

Even husbands and wives do not trust each other with THEIR money. Brothers, sisters, and other kinsmen and women are gradually becoming enemies, all thanks to LACK OF TRUST. People cheat on their spouse because they “think” their spouse is, our would cheat on them later, so they better cheat now to keep the score tied. Paranoia everywhere; “you think I want to hurt you, and I think you want to hurt me” syndrome is gaining grounds almost everywhere today.

Give people the benefit of the doubt (hey, I’m not saying you should be gullible, I’m just saying that if you find no reason to doubt them, don’t). You yourself, be trustworthy. Let’s all learn to make little deposits in our trust account with others. When you make a promise, fulfil it, when you owe, pay before, or as at when due, match your words and your actions, be faithful, DO NOT LIE!! (especially the ones we do to cover facts). Be good and loyal.

Imagine how it would be if I could walk into a company, request for some of their goods on credit, promising to pay when I make sales, and they give me, simply because they TRUST me (and ofcourse I did not cheat them!). This way, you have been able to start a business, with TRUST (not money, or your house or property). Poverty will reduce, death rate will drop, relationships will be better, you will be happier, and the economy will boost.

Thanks for visiting my blog today. I honour you. Share your thoughts on this issue, I’m really looking forward reading them.

You can follow me on twitter HERE

Interconnection

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Okay, just so you have a good laugh and learn a lesson from that picture, that’s why I write today.

In that picture, you’ll see just two outlets from that power generating set, but with that, over fifty devices have been connected and are charging.

You cannot do it alone, you need people!! Those who have gone ahead of you, those who are still on the same level with you, and your subordinates. You need people.

I am available if you need me. Follow me on twitter HERE

Confusions and Paradoxes in English Language

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You think English is easy?

Have a look……and Shareeeee!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in
France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indexes?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique style of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

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